Ref's ~

This is my mind and I wish I can tell you how unclear and hazy, how messy and misty it is. I wish I can tell you how it falls a little on the dark side, how it has shadows and silhouettes... I wish I can tell you that I wrestle with my thoughts, I wrestle with their consequences. I wish I can tell you that my life is not all rainbows and picture perfect. It's foggy and sunlightless. I wish I can tell you how it really is inside. It's hard to express my mind in a way that you won't see me as someone broken or maybe even unbeautiful. So when words fail, we turn to photographs, little pictures that show how both light and shadows and spooky colours make beautiful art. There's still a certain redeemable beauty about a daunting and an eerie photograph so it's like that with my mind also. My mind is a masterpiece in pieces and a work in progress. 

I heard Him say               "I'll take you to the desert to be tested and tempted. I'll take you there so you can learn to thirst. In the scorching heat, you will learn to stay under my shadow. Your heart will yearn and long for the mountains and the rivers but you will learn that I am enough for you. I will be your companion, always at your right and your left. Even when you'll wish for someone else, for someone else's warmth, for someone else's touch to be upon your skin, for someone else to be angry at you, all you'll have is me and you will learn that I am enough for you."   

Once Upon A Childish Love  ​I loved you. Loved. Loved. Loved.  It shouldn't have become something of the past.  But I was young. Young. Young. Young.  Nobody believed me when I said it would last.         Once upon a childish love        Once upon a naive tale         Our bodies were light        Our hearts were frail.         Now, we are hardened.         Our songs are stale.         Our love is broken        Our happy ending failed.  Society was right.  Yet, our love was great Our love was wild and untamed.  Our love outgrew us.  The flow of time is to blame.                             ✒✒✒               Solitude Is My Song.  ...

        Some days you wake up looking for a reason to be grateful. It's like wanting to sing a song of praise and glory but all you have is a hum at best. Where is your voice to praise God? Where is your strength to dance for Him? Instead, every exhale and heartbeat are all you have for Him and even those are from Him. Some days, your pockets are empty and you have nothing left and so you pray. But a prayer of faith isn't an escape but a stronghold.  So hold on strong because God isn't leaving you on read, He is just taking his time to reply. And yet sometimes He does and yet sometimes He doesn't. But you can keep praying because you still have breath in your lungs and even breath is grace.        Some days you play hide and seek with God and God loves to hide. He loves to keep to himself a lot of times . Everyday you see the unknowableness of Him and everyday you keep looking. He lies there amidst mysteries and questions. But God...

It was night. I was in the car with my best friend and we were jamming to our childhood songs (after we had just spent the whole day laughing till we're physically exhausted) We were 'dancing' like the idiots we were (and are haha). We were singing , actually she was singing and I was listening to her. She's very talented and ambitious. She's passionate and full of life and dreams.  I am sure she's going places. Shillong doesn't have anything for her. Then it hit me, like a punch in my stomach, things won't always be this way. She saw me and asked me "What happened? " She can read me like an open book (it's been 15years after all) Then a tear rolled down but it was dark so I don't know if she saw it or not. I told her "The thought of us living far away from each other hurts" She got what I meant. She looked away from me and turned her face into the darkness. "I'm sad now"  is what she only said.