Ref's ~

What goes around comes around,  And you'll find yourself renewing memories,  You'll find yourself right back to where you started,  But somewhere completely new.  God doesn't want me to dwell in the past, But today he led me here.  I was once standing on this hill As a completely different person With someone completely different Than today.  Back then I returned home with scratches on my legs Because the grasses were too tall,  And there was a drought but still I was afraid to cross the river.  Now here I am on a golden hill,  The grasses are soft on my skin,  The water feels alive through my fingers.  Yes, the pain was mine  But so was the resentment.  Yes, I never received a sorry But the chain was mine to set free.  Forgive my anger,  Forgive me for not forgiving. 

I don't need to introduce myself. But I kinda want to. My name is Refaia. My close friends call me Ref. My family calls me Reef. I have a bunch of other nicknames too. As of right now, I'm feeling a lot of things but overall, I am content and joyful. I look at my life, I feel nothing but gratitude. I have absolutely no idea what my future holds, but I praise God. When I couldn't even look up, he bent down and I know he would do that for me again, again and again... And it comforts me. Everyday I'm trying and learning and reaching further than I did yesterday. Some days, I pat myself on the back for being productive and some days, just for getting up and trying. Life, even with God by my side isn't any easier, but it gives me a sense of purpose. And I'm not ashamed of how I live my life, because it is here where I find him. Here with these boring activities and slow songs, he became real to me. I don't like luxury and trends but I don't li...

Friendships come in a lot of ways,  For me it came in the form of a little fur ball.  My little buddy went away leaving behind a rainy heart,  An empty space in all my rainy nights.  You took care of me and I'll never forget you my favorite bud. You were cuter than Toothless and your eyes were as curious as the stars  who wonder,  "What are humans up to again? "  And they twinkle too when you see me come home.  7years ago I used to hate cats. And you changed that.  When I was crying the whole night, you were sleeping on my chest.  And rubbing your little face on mine.  Which made me feel so horrible When I was looking at your little body struggling to breathe And couldn't do anything anymore Except put you down from your pain.  But you didn't allow us to do that,  You passed naturally.  And I'll always remember holding you in my arms in your last moments.  I grieved you too.  I'll never find anot...

God bless the ordinary days.  God bless the quiet days. God bless the hopeless dreams we shamelessly confess to our friends on the way back home, the recipes we share with our neighbours near our front doors. In the quaint, In the quiet, In the ambiguity,  In the ordinary, You'll find him there too.

It takes being a hopeful fool to trust in You.  What a ridiculous pursuit Of You.  But I am here,  And this hope  Gives me the look  Of an optimist.  I am not an optimist.  I am a worshipper.  And where I build my altar,  He builds his home. 

The Lord is my shepherd.  He leads me beside still waters.  Let the mist come,  I don't mind it,  Let it blur my vision,  I'll listen to the water instead.  Let it rush  Let it break into a thousand drops,  I've lost count of the times The river has sung me to sleep.  Too many times I've fallen asleep on the shore With the sound of the river As my lullaby.  I can sleep.  I can slumber.  I have someone watching over me.  In the still and resilient waters,  In the calm rivers and the stormy seas,  My soul can rest It is well with me.  But it's important to know  That when you forget where to go When you're lost, look for a river.  It will lead you. He will lead you.  He restores my soul.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me. 

I was wandering for a few weeks.  And then I asked myself "Where do I go from here?  What do I do?  Where is your mighty hand?" Yet, from heaven you send a sparrow To give me a purpose,  Even in the desert  When all I want is water,  You give me more,  You give me a promise,  You give me a purpose,  You give me a way out.  For the first time in my life I am in that headspace With a sense of direction.  I know where to go.  I know what to do.  I know how to spend my minutes.  I am excited to be here I am excited to live.